Strange Package

So my boxes came, and soon this place will be looking like Chaz's pad should. But that's not the strange thing.

In with my boxes was a shoebox, wrapped a few times in duct tape, then postmarked on every visible surface. Most of the languages on the box are waaaay out there, like with different letters and that whole deal. Alan said that the box had been through France, Spain, and a whole lot of other countries. Apparently one of the really weird postmarks was from Russia, so we figure the box must be Vlad's.

A few hours go by. We've called Vlad, and he's not answering or his phone is off. We called the airport, and if he's there, he hasn't asked anyone for help. In short, we have no idea where he is.

The Al's went to dinner, and I said I was going later, just so they'd leave me here alone. I cut open the duct tape and open the box and...

It is full of condoms. Full to the brim, because I dumped it out to see if there was something underneath the condoms. A heap of little foil wrappers plopped on the ground, followed by a brochure that must have been stuck to the bottom. I can't read what it says, but I'm not sure I want to. It's just a bunch of Russian squiggles, and about ten of the most disgusting pictures you've ever seen. I'm talking Vagina meets Maggots. I'm talking Pus, Piss, Extra Holes.... I can't tell if it's a flyer on STDs or crazy fetishes, or both.

Anyway, I snagged a couple of the condoms, cause I figure how's he going to notice three or four missing? I've got to get my scanner hooked up so I can keep a copy of that brochure, too. That's the sort of thing you have to see to believe.

-Chaz