Should've Been A Math Major

I'm so fucking hungry, everybody. Like, you have no idea. I'm not even stoned or anything, because I'm writing this during class. I had an egg, ham and cheese croissant about 15 minutes ago, and it must have digested on impact because I'm soooo goddamn hungry I could strip the bark right off the desk and eat it; figure it would digest slower.

And yes, The Chaz is alive. No tornado, hailstorm or thunder can hold me back. It's just all this homework.

Oh, what? The Chaz can do homework occasionally, and it just so happens to be one of those months. It's my professors' fault; I'm still making up for the work I didn't do over Spring Break.

Spring Break, man. There's some bullshit right there. Blake wasn't around, which is probably best for him, but I got some face time with Dave and Cody, and maybe I learned something.

So I have to ask, and raise your hands for this one, who hasn't slept with Blake? I understand that it's hard to find gay guys who aren't enormous sketchballs, and that the opportunity for a no-commitment lay with a trustworthy guy is hard to come by. I get it; nobody understands the no-commitment lay like ol' Chazzy, but that's not what has me so fucked up about all of this.

The no-co lay is an art form, balancing hotness, willingness and the chance of ever seeing her again.

It looks like this :

Hotness is on the standard -10 to +10 scale, -10 being unfuckable and +10 being unfuckingbelievable.
Willingness is on a -2 to +2 scale, -2 being "where's the bartender?" and +2 being "where's the bed?"
You basically have to guess your chance of running into her again, but a 5% chance looks like :

The number you aim for is up to you, but usually it's based on the size of your balls.
Here are some examples.

#1. That monstrously hot girl in one of your lecture classes starts flirting with you at a party. She's a +7 for hotness, an estimated +1 for willingness, and maybe a 50% chance of running into her again (I figure there's about a 50% chance of me not showing up for that lecture for the rest of the term). Plug it in.

#2. She's below average, about a -3. But damn, she's really digging you, so a +2 there. And you never would have noticed her if you weren't drunk, so a 1% down there. Plug it in.

#3. Curveball for you. -6 hotness, +1 willingness, and she's in every one of your goddamn classes, so 100%. Plug it in.

#4. Same deal, only she's a prefrosh, so there's only a 12% chance that she'll get in, minus 50% because freshman don't have classes with Juniors. Plug it in.

You get the idea. The point is that fucking people you see often isn't a good idea, and so I don't know what Dave and Cody were thinking when they slept with Blake. Alan... well, I'm not happy about it, but at least there's only like a 3% chance of them ever seeing each other again. A +7 for hotness and a +2 for willingness, and it makes total sense. But Dave and Cody have like a 10,000% chance of seeing Blake again.

Oh, and don't forget to multiply everything by the Chaz Factor.

That's all I've got to say.

-Chaz